Learning to Cope with a Little Sister
The late evening calls from an unexpected person always make one’s mind go to the worst possible scenarios. Who is injured? Who is sick? Who died? My parents received a strange call one evening from my dad’s uncle in Wisconsin. It was strange because he had never called before and he was not the social type. His daughter had decided that she no longer could, or wanted to, take care of her children. That’s when my dad’s uncle asked the big question: would my parents be willing to take in one of the children? He wanted to keep as many of his grandchildren in the family as possible so my parents could hardly say no to his pleas and called him back the next week with their answer. That’s when my parents told me. I was so excited. I was getting something that I had thought I had always wanted: a little sister.
Rachel came to live with us in early June of the summer before I started 5th grade. It didn’t take long for my parents and I to love Rachel but we also quickly learned that the first five years of her life were not easy. I also started to realize that it was going to be a long summer for me and learning to deal with the challenges was going to require some extra help.
There is one incident that sticks in my mind as somewhat of an eye opening experience for me. Rachel and I were in the basement playing some kind of game when she did something that upset me. I don’t remember what she did but it upset me so much that I pushed her. I had never pushed anyone before. She fell down and immediately started to cry. I tried to get her to stop but my mom heard her crying and came downstairs. My mom went over to Rachel, picked her up off the floor, set her on her lap and tried to soothe her. It was then that my mother gave me a look that broke my heart. I realized from the look on her face that she wasn’t mad at me, she was disappointed. That hurt more. I knew that Rachel could not always control her actions but I could. I knew that Rachel had behavioral problems, so why was I the one that lashed out? Why did I lose my cool? I was tired of Rachel getting more attention than me. I had ten years to become accustomed to being an only child and all of a sudden I had a five-year-old sister who required more time and attention than me. I knew that my negative feelings toward Rachel were not rational. I was older, I should be more mature, and I knew that I should not take the bad things Rachel did to heart but I couldn’t help it. Her actions bothered me too much.
I knew that I never again wanted to experience the feelings that I had when I pushed Rachel down, so I decided that I would find a better way to deal with my frustrations toward her. I started to keep a journal. At the end of the day, I would write down everything that Rachel did that day that bothered or frustrated me. Instead of taking out my negative emotions on Rachel or my parents, I would write down everything I was feeling. It helped considerably. The more I wrote, the more I was able to control my emotions and negative feelings toward Rachel. I think that writing everything that I was feeling really helped smooth the tension between Rachel and me. As time went on, I started writing less and less about my problems with Rachel and more about my day in general.
Unfortunately, when August came around, my parents decided that Rachel was just not the right fit for our family and that they were not the right people to raise her and help her with her struggles. Although they never said it, I could tell that sending Rachel back to her grandparents was a very difficult thing for my parents to do. My dad especially was not himself for a very long time after Rachel left. They had grown to love her tremendously but they also knew that they were not the kind of people that she needed.
I wrote in my journal quite consistently for about a year after Rachel left our family. I was having very conflicting emotions. I was relieved that she was gone but feeling that relief made me feel very guilty. I was also very sad for my parents and even for myself a little. Although she was only with us for a very short time, my parents, in a way, had lost a child and I had lost a sister. Rachel, on the other hand, gained a wonderful family and parents that were able to better accommodate her.
Over the years my journaling has slowly faded out of my daily routine. I don’t need to put as many of my daily thoughts or struggles down on paper to work through them anymore. I do find myself journaling when I am particularly struggling with something in my life. It helps me sort out and work through my thoughts and conflicting emotions. Writing and journaling has overall had a very positive impact on my life.
Rachel came to live with us in early June of the summer before I started 5th grade. It didn’t take long for my parents and I to love Rachel but we also quickly learned that the first five years of her life were not easy. I also started to realize that it was going to be a long summer for me and learning to deal with the challenges was going to require some extra help.
There is one incident that sticks in my mind as somewhat of an eye opening experience for me. Rachel and I were in the basement playing some kind of game when she did something that upset me. I don’t remember what she did but it upset me so much that I pushed her. I had never pushed anyone before. She fell down and immediately started to cry. I tried to get her to stop but my mom heard her crying and came downstairs. My mom went over to Rachel, picked her up off the floor, set her on her lap and tried to soothe her. It was then that my mother gave me a look that broke my heart. I realized from the look on her face that she wasn’t mad at me, she was disappointed. That hurt more. I knew that Rachel could not always control her actions but I could. I knew that Rachel had behavioral problems, so why was I the one that lashed out? Why did I lose my cool? I was tired of Rachel getting more attention than me. I had ten years to become accustomed to being an only child and all of a sudden I had a five-year-old sister who required more time and attention than me. I knew that my negative feelings toward Rachel were not rational. I was older, I should be more mature, and I knew that I should not take the bad things Rachel did to heart but I couldn’t help it. Her actions bothered me too much.
I knew that I never again wanted to experience the feelings that I had when I pushed Rachel down, so I decided that I would find a better way to deal with my frustrations toward her. I started to keep a journal. At the end of the day, I would write down everything that Rachel did that day that bothered or frustrated me. Instead of taking out my negative emotions on Rachel or my parents, I would write down everything I was feeling. It helped considerably. The more I wrote, the more I was able to control my emotions and negative feelings toward Rachel. I think that writing everything that I was feeling really helped smooth the tension between Rachel and me. As time went on, I started writing less and less about my problems with Rachel and more about my day in general.
Unfortunately, when August came around, my parents decided that Rachel was just not the right fit for our family and that they were not the right people to raise her and help her with her struggles. Although they never said it, I could tell that sending Rachel back to her grandparents was a very difficult thing for my parents to do. My dad especially was not himself for a very long time after Rachel left. They had grown to love her tremendously but they also knew that they were not the kind of people that she needed.
I wrote in my journal quite consistently for about a year after Rachel left our family. I was having very conflicting emotions. I was relieved that she was gone but feeling that relief made me feel very guilty. I was also very sad for my parents and even for myself a little. Although she was only with us for a very short time, my parents, in a way, had lost a child and I had lost a sister. Rachel, on the other hand, gained a wonderful family and parents that were able to better accommodate her.
Over the years my journaling has slowly faded out of my daily routine. I don’t need to put as many of my daily thoughts or struggles down on paper to work through them anymore. I do find myself journaling when I am particularly struggling with something in my life. It helps me sort out and work through my thoughts and conflicting emotions. Writing and journaling has overall had a very positive impact on my life.